Five Bad Songs By Good Artists

It's a painfully frequent occurrence, the dodgy track on the otherwise decent album, the one song that actually makes you get up and press fast forward. I realise that this is really a matter of taste, but these are some of the worst offenders in my book:

5. Alcohol- CSS

What the hell is this song doing on this record? It's full speed disco funk all the way and then we suddenly arrive at this thing, which sounds like its the theme tune from an unsuccessful kids TV show. It just doesn't fit, which is disappointing because the album was almost perfect.



4. Jet Pilot- System Of A Down

Another crappy song ruining an otherwise excellent album. This track is just thrashy noise, with lame ass lyrics that seem like they were knocked out in the studio five minutes before the record company called time on the recording sessions. The smelly metal fans in this live clip don't seem to mind, but I certainly do.



3. The Power Of Orange Knickers- Tori Amos

This song suffers from the fact that it's 'featuring Damien Rice', but that's no excuse for crap of this magnitude. Stupid, stupid lyrics that will ensure that you probably won't get past the first minute. To further ram home my point, here's a rendition by some poor deluded soul who thinks that his putting this clip on youtube makes him cool:



2. I Just Called To Say I Love You- Stevie Wonder

The sad things that happen to music when artists need cash. Stevie Wonder composed this atrocity for 'The Woman In Red' which would have been much better taking the aptly named Chris De Burgh farce and leaving Mr Wonder's reputation alone. But Stevie obviously wanted the cash, and the adulation (which he duly received when the idiotic academy awarded him an oscar for best song in 1984).

This song is famous the world over for being shit, and is an unfortunately gargantuan blemish on Stevie Wonder's career. For the vast majority of people it's the first thing that comes to mind when his name is mentioned, and not the masterpieces that are Superstition, Uptight or Masterblaster. Tragic.

Take your thirty pieces of silver, Stevie, and get the hell out of Motown.



1. Obla Di, Obla Da- The Beatles

I hate this song. It's the perfect example of McCartney at his smarmy worst. Who the hell are cares about Desmond & Molly and their stupidly chirpy non-life? Certainly not me. It's that kind of annoying song that always gets wheeled out at weddings to an embarrassing squeal of delight because, without fail, all the elderly types will start clapping their hands to it's faux ska beat. It's the birdy song for the 21st century.

It's embarrassing to listen to because you just know John, George and even Ringo were thinking 'What the fuck is this tripe?'. You can almost hear their disillusionment on the recording. Such awfully nauseating schmaltz, I can barely articulate myself to describe how much I hate this song, only to say that this list was very nearly entitled 'Obla Di, Obla Da: Five Bad Songs By Good Artists'. Enough said.



Any omissions/ suggestions for your top 5 in this tragic genre?

Coming Soon (the obvious follow-up):

Five Good Songs By Bad Artists

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1 comments:

January 10, 2008 at 2:37 PM Evil Bob said...

A few things about each of your posts.

5. Only started listening to the CSS album properly in the last week and its awesome except for...yes you guessed it. So yes I agree wholeheartedly.

4. Fuck you. Metal doesn't have to make sense and this song is fucking excellent. If you want a bad song by System then look at the last 3 or 4 on that album .Toxicity the song is pretty lame in itself.

3. How are the lyrics to this any worse than "Never was a Cornflake Girl, Thought it was a good solution hanging with the raisin girl" or for that matter any lyric that Amos wrote (her music is great though).

2. Well there's no getting around it really is there. High Fidelity said it all: This song sucks.

1. See also: Maxwells silver hammer, Honey Pie, Bungalow Bill, Martha My dear, Don't Pass me by, Yellow Submarine, Mean Mr Mustard, Her Majesty, Lady Madonna,
for further evidence that the Beatles wrote their fair share of shite. The fact that nearly all those songs I listed are Macca songs doesn't mean that Lennon wrote better songs just that his voice sounds cooler when he sang a shite one so we can forgive it.