5 Second Review: Transformers 2

Our favourite childhood toys come alive to beat the crap out of each other again, courtesy of Michael 'KABOOM' Bay.


  • Shia La Beouf isn't really as annoying as people make him out to be.
  • And Megan Fox is quite nice.
  • More action and screen-time for Megatron, who was criminally underused in the first film.
  • Fanboys will be pleased to see Soundwave make an appearance (he used to be a ghetto blaster, now he's a satellite).
  • Several more original voice actors from the cartoon have been recalled. Which was the only way those characters were ever going to work, to be fair.
  • John Tuturro gets a well earned pay-day.
  • Mike Patton voices a transformer, though whom and at a what point I cannot tell you.
  • Why it has become an unwritten rule that blockbusters must be over two and a half hours in length is beyond me.
  • On that point, this movie is very, very boring.
  • To be able to legitimately accuse a film in which photo-realistic, transforming, robot aliens wage epic battles amidst a backdrop of some of the world's most spectacular scenery of being boring... well... that's bad.
  • Michael Bay has overdosed on, well, Michael Bay films- resulting in camera work that when not confusing, is simply nauseating.
  • The comedy. My god, the comedy.
  • Seems to take a third act plot device straight out of this summer's other blockbuster stinker, Terminator Salvation.
  • As has been pointed out be other reviewers, the Transformers themselves are too damn complicated on the eye. Just what the hell is going on?

This movie should be a landmark in cinema history, and it may yet prove to be one. For me, this is absolute proof that the 'effects movie' has reached its saturation point. Hopefully this travesty will prompt a return to more traditional methods of filmmaking, such as putting more than 10 to 15 minutes thought into the script.

Oh, wait, 3D is back.

Well, that's that idea put to bed.

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