For Rob because he has an obsession with crap pop, and Ive been pestering him to listen to department of eagles



{Via The Hood Internet}

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Unless you've been living somewhere completely out of the way for the last 6 months or so or unless you are in fact somebody with a life who doesn't spend every waking hour on the internet then you can't have missed hearing the hype about Cloverfield. Nerd boards all over have been going on and on about just exactly what monster it is that we'll be seeing tear chunks out of New York and now they finally get their answer.

Whats the story?
A large and very very hostile creature arrives in New York and proceeds to rip it a new arsehole. The action is documented through a handheld camera which one character is holding (at the risk of his life) for the entirety of the movie.

This sounds oddly familiar
The Blair Witch Project perhaps?

Oh for fucks sake
Yup thats what I thought. To give it credit though, its not made on a shoestring budget and you do get to see some explosions and buildings falling apart in between all the shakey camerawork and people going "Oh My god! Oh My God".

So which monster is it?
Well actually it turns out that the monster is completely irrelevant. It could be Godzilla or the Stay Puft Marshmallow man for all the difference it makes. The movie is about people surviving and interacting and other stuff.

So you don't see the monster?
No you do yeah but as I said, the monster is irrelevant and as such you only really get fleeting glimpses of it and see it in the distance. Its all about people man and stuff.

So, Worth a watch?
Hard to say really. Its certainly something you've never seen before but then again, 2 girls 1 cup (google at your peril) was something I had never seen before and I'm not sure whether I'm a better man for it now that I have. The film is still filled with the kind of fucking asshole characters that you hate when you see them in the regular blockbusters like Godzilla et al and there's a few things about the home video footage that will make you ask all sorts of questions. Such as: If you're running for your life why the fuck would you continue to hold a camera up at eye level when your arms should be pumping at your side, or if you're in a dark tunnel and the light from the camera is the only illumination that you have why would you be the one at the back of the group lighting their backs instead of at the front lighting the way ahead?

Its just one of those movies that will probably piss you off more than anything else but there's redeeming features too so check it out if you will. One thing you can say about is is that the marketing campaign was absolute genius. Check out one of the many trailers below.

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Don't kill me for this, (and, yes, I'm aware that I recently branded Britney a 'bad artist'), but I just heard this song last night, and, damn, it's pretty good. I'm gonna justify this to myself by pointing out that ritney isn't really the artist here, it's a highly paid team of songwriters and superproducers, and they're certainly earning their money here. Check it out (go on...):



Click for mp3

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It's inevitable. Sooner or later the talentless hack you love to hate is going to release something that will make you grind your teeth with frustration, not because of it's adherence to the trend of crappyness, but because it's actually quite good, and you hate to admit it. Here are five examples of songs I quite enjoy, but am unlikely to declare so from the rooftops:

5. Golden Touch- Razorlight

This was an example of a song that promised more from a band than what was subsequently delivered. It's catchy, kinda funky, the lyrics aren't bad and one might go so far as to say that it was a somewhat original entry from the school of brit-rock hipsters. As we all know, the band have gone on to prove themselves as talented in no area other that that of wearing a particular type of pants, and lead singer Johnny Borrell has revealed himself as merely one step down from Pete Doherty in smackability levels. Which is pretty damned high.



4. Take On Me- A-Ha

One of the great suck-stories of the 80's, A-Ha produced a pile of crap that fit neatly into that genre of music we'd rather forget. Granted, it was very 'of the time', but you can't just put crap like this down to the fact that it's dated badly. Rubbish is as rubbish does. As happens all too frequently with crappy bands, A-Ha's first song was a humdinger. Add that to one of the most imaginative videos of the early MTV era, and you have a hit on your hands (in fact, A-Ha's second single 'The Sun Always Shines On TV' was a bigger hit, but we won't go there..).




3. Girls, Girls, Girls- Motlely Crue

We can joke, but deep down we all know how awful Motley Crue are. Aside from the fact that every one of them is a morally-reprehensible scumbag, their music was far from great. In fact it was often quite far from bad, it was awful. 'Girls, Girls, Girls' was the song they were born to write. It's lyrics are an opus through their depraved lives, booze, fighting and, yes, girls. Namely strippers. Strippers of the world. They say 'write what you know'- well, for this song the Crue did just that, and somehow ended up with the kind of preposterous romp that they can just about get away with. And, damn, it's kinda cool.

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Click for (preposterous) video


2. Where Is The Love- The Black Eyed Peas

The Black Eyed Peas are truly godawful. There is little to nothing redeeming about the band, from their dodgy street cred, to their annoying pepsi endosrement, to their crappy faux-hip names (Will.i.am?? Come on!). Unfortunately for me, though, I am forced to admit that their first big hit 'Where Is The Love' was a pretty good song. It's really a good example of when pop goes right: the strings sound good, the beat is decent, the lyrics carry a nice, fluffy, positive message... it all comes together and works well. Add to that a damn good hook written and performed by Justin Timberlake (go figure) and you have something that I'll bet a shiny penny The Black Eyed Peas will never accomplish again- a genuinely good song.



1. Toxic- Britney Spears

Britney, bless her, has released some decent* pop songs in her day, but nothing I would want played on my stereo.. until this song came along. Contrary to popular belief the song was not written by Prince, but by Cathy Dennis. One would be forgiven for believing this urban myth though, as I'm sure the ribless one would be quite proud to be associated with such an offering- it is one hell of a pop hit. Check out the amazing synthy violin hook, the badass vocal on the bridge.. the song quite simply kicks ass.

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Click for video


*Read: not too shit

Several songs just barely didn't make this list, mainly due to the unearthing of more than one worthwhile song by said artist; but for the record, no matter how many good songs I am presented with I will always regard Coldplay and Simon & Garfunkel as crap.

Omissions, Suggestions? I know there's a lot that failed to make the cut (and possibly some that should not be here). Let us know through the comments section.

Click here to catch up on last week's 'Five Bad Songs By Good Artists'.

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Courtesy of Sweet-Neat-Pete, who has already composed this touching eulogy: 'You were the 21st Century Elvis'.

Thanks, Pete... pretty creepy.

Click for what the hell am I talking about

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Britney Spears has pulled another crazy. Having not shown up in court on several occasions (including once yesterday) to argue as to why she should have custody of her kids, last night she took matters in to her own hands and simply took them hostage.

Needless to say, not many people were happy with this decision, and after a three hour stand-off with the police, Britney was finally removed from her house on a gurney and rushed to 'hospital'.

All the while surrounded by a swarm of paparazzi.

And high as a kite.

Oh lordy.

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Meanwhile: Britney's ex-husband Kevin Federline is not taking all this at all well, and in fact may be suffering from depression.

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Britney's Mom, Lynne Spears, has had her upcoming book on parenting shelved (excuse the pun) 'indefinitely' by it's publishers. The book 'Pop Culture Mom' was to be published on Mother's Day by Christian publishing house Thomas Nelson Inc, who have (understandably) been dragging their heels considering the state of her eldest daughter. Now the plug has effectively been pulled on its publication in light of the fact that Britney's little sister, Jamie Lynne (16) has become pregnant by her live-in lover. Moo ha ha.

Is there something wrong with me that I find this absolutely hilarious?


UPDATE: Apparently Jamie Lynne's boyfriend has 'done the honorable thing'... and dumped her. Oh, Hollywood.. Click.

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This is ridiculous. Surely this can't be allowed- Britney, in an apparent acknowledgement to the world that she has completely lost it has tried to fill the void left by her two children by adopting two new ones. I can only assume that having lost custody of her own kids for being a mess no court in the land will allow her adopt.

What a surreal world we live in...

Click me for story

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"Eat it, Lick it, Snort it, F*ck it."

Charming..

Click Me

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